Somewhere To Be
by rainpop
Summary: I believed you when you said that you loved me. And I loved that I did. I guess when they say love is blind, it's not just some stupid cliche. Naitlyn with Nitchie-angst. One-shot.


_AN: I will still be updating 'SymphonyOUW' soon, but this idea just popped into my head and I had to get it out. Got to love the angst. This is in Mitchie's POV._

_Disclaimer: I do not own.

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_We both know,_

_you've somewhere to be.  
_

I'm not sure why I did it.

I have no excuse.

No excuse for the way I tried to pull you away from fate. No excuse for the way I trapped you, convincing myself this whole thing we had was not a lie.

But, for me, it wasn't a lie, Nate. I felt like I loved you more than life itself. You are perfect, everything about you: your smile, the deepness of your eyes, the very person that you are. I think the reason I was able to ignore the signs so well was because I loved you too much to realise just how much you didn't feel the same way.

I guess when they say love is blind, it's not just some stupid cliche.

You always loved her, Nate. As much as you tried to tell me, to tell yourself, that you didn't.

And I loved you so much, that I believed you.

I believed you when you said that you loved _me_. And I loved that I did.

But you weren't with me because you loved me. You never really loved me, Nate. You were with me out of obligation. Because it was the right thing to do.

That's who you are. You would sacrifice everything: true love, _destiny_, your own very happiness, to do the right thing.

I loved it that you did.

I was selfish, and I _loved it_ that I had you all to myself.

You left her, as much as it killed you inside, to do the thing you thought was required of you. To take responsibility for your consequences.

I kept telling myself, maybe even pretending a little, that you left her for _me_, when really, I knew you hadn't.

The day you asked me to marry you, was the happiest day of my life.

And I ignored it that I knew it was the worst day of yours.

You promised me you weren't asking because of_ it_. You promised me you really did love me.

And I loved it that I believed you.

I ignored the look in your eyes when I told you yes. Almost like the look of an animal who had just been caught in a cage.

I ignored the fact that when you hugged me you were trembling, not out of happiness, but out of fear.

I ignored it, and I loved it that I did.

Because you had asked me to marry you, so you _must_ have loved me.

At least, that is what I kept telling myself.

I kept replaying that fateful night in my head, when you had come to my door, tear streaked cheeks and an aching heart. You kissed me, without even asking, and my heart had soared. I kept telling myself that you had loved me all along, and that you had finally gained the courage.

But maybe I was lying to myself, ignoring the nagging feeling, that you had just been trying to forget about her, even if only for a night.

I remember when she had come to my door the next morning. She had looked a mess, just like you, and she had fallen apart in my arms.

She told me she was sorry, and that she didn't know what to do. She still loved you.

And deep inside, I knew you still loved her. So I panicked.

I told her. And maybe I loved doing so, as horrible a person as I had become.

Maybe I jumped a little for glee inside as I saw the hurt and betrayal that crossed her eyes. Maybe I misplaced it for hate for you. Or maybe I just told myself that was what it was.

And out of all things she had hugged me, and through tears she had told me it wasn't my fault.

I wasn't so inhumane that I couldn't feel the guilt that washed over me, but I ignored it, and told myself that you and I were fate, and that when it came to fate, people on the sidelines always had to get hurt.

I ignored it that I knew that was where I was meant to be.

A month later and I was late.

I jumped to conclusions. I didn't even check. But I thought I just knew; I could feel it. You and I, after all, were destiny, and maybe it was a sign.

You met up with me per my request. We exchanged a few polite phrases, and I ignored how much of a mess you were without her. The subject of that fateful night came up then, and of all things, you told me the only blame you had was for yourself. And maybe I mistook that blame for you admitting your feelings for me. At least, that is what I told myself it was. And I told you then, I told you and I ignored the way your future flashed before your eyes. Your future with her.

You told me everything was going to be okay. You pulled me into your arms and tried to soothe me as if I had been worried.

But I wasn't worried. I was so happy. As horrible as it sounds, I finally had a hold over you. I knew the sort of person you were, and I knew you would be by my side through it all. I ignored the truth, though, and I told myself it was because you just wanted to be with me.

Another month later, and I realised that's all I had been; late.

But I didn't tell you. I couldn't. Maybe I realised, deep inside, how scared I was that if you knew, you would leave me. Maybe I knew deep inside, that that was the only reason you were with me.. But I ignored that, and I told myself I just didn't want to let you down yet. I told myself you were excited about being a father.

And from then on I ignored every single little thing that gave you away.

I ignored the secret glances across the room, as you wrapped your arm around me and held your wine glass up to my parents, telling them how excited you were, and how happy I made you. I ignored the way she glanced right back at you.

I ignored the way that your arm left me as soon as they walked away, and how much you seemed to drink that night.

I ignored that when she came up to offer her congratulations, you hugged her so tightly and for a moment seemed to not want to let her go.

I ignored the heartbreaking way you both stared at each other when you finally did let go.

I ignored the way she rushed off prematurely, wiping at her eyes.

And I ignored how torn you looked, how desperately much you wanted to go after her.

But I kept telling myself how excited you were, and how happy I made you.

As the wedding came closer, I knew I wouldn't be able to hide it for much longer.

So I told you, I told you that I had made a mistake. That it had been a 'false alarm'.

I ignored how relieved you seemed when you hugged me, stroking a calming hand through my hair and telling me you were sorry. You pulled away and told me everything was going to be okay.

I questioned your promise, so scared you were going to leave me.

But you told me a promise was a promise. You convinced me you had never asked because of the baby. Maybe you were trying more to convince yourself.

You told me you loved me.

And I ignored that I knew you were lying.

As the date approached, I ignored how jittery you were getting. More so than the usual pre-wedding jitters. But I just told myself you were a little nervous. Everyone gets nervous, right?

But I ignored the look in your eyes that screamed out you were trapped with no way out.

And as I stood there that day, in my pretty white dress, feeling like all my dreams were coming true, I ignored every little thing that suggested you were loosing yours.

I ignored how caught up in her you got, when she made her way down the isle before me. How you almost looked, for a second, like you had forgotten who it was exactly you were getting married to.

I ignored the way she couldn't bare to look at you through the whole ceremony. How much she was trying to hold herself together until it was over.

I ignored the way you glanced over my shoulder one last final time, before you said 'I do'.

I ignored the way you looked like you had just signed your life away.

I ignored the way that when she had finally mustered up enough courage to come up and offer her congratulations, you hugged her in that very same way; so reluctant to let go.

I ignored that when you finally did, you stared right at her, and gently brushed her caramel locks away from those eyes you missed so much.

I ignored the way she fled again, almost running out the doors.

I ignored that, this time, you excused yourself and practically raced right after her.

Finally, you came back, and it was hard to ignore your slightly puffy eyes, and the look that the fire inside of you had finally died out.

And with each passing day it became just that, harder and harder to ignore.

The way you wouldn't kiss me properly.

The way her name would slip from your lips when you were dreaming.

That sometimes, when I would look into your eyes, you wouldn't even look like you were there.

Until finally it became impossible for me to ignore.

That you were still so desperately in love with her.

That there had never been anyone else for you but her. Not even me.

And I couldn't make myself believe that you loved me any longer.

I finally started to see everything that I had missed; finally started to realise that all this time I had been lying to myself.

But Nate, please understand that I loved you so much, I just wanted to believe that you loved me too.

I had been fighting so desperately from my place on the sidelines to become the star, and for that I am so, so sorry.

I'm sorry for lying and for trapping you and for coming in-between destiny.

Because destiny, Nate, is you and Caitlyn, and I'm so sorry it took me so long to finally see it.

Still, there is no excuse for what I have done, and my only hope is that you will forgive me if I let you have you're life back.

As much as it kills me, I need to let you go. Because, Nate, we both know. And we know it so well.

That you have somewhere to be.


End file.
